Saturday, December 8, 2007

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

he's making a list

I'm currently compiling a list of things not to say to a crying female:

1) I don't want to talk about it.
2) I've told you twice. I'm not telling you again.
3) I still don't understand why that's worth crying over.
4) What, is it that time of the month?
5) Would it be possible for you to cry somewhere else?
6) Oh god, don't cry. I'm going to get all turned on now.
7) I was going to yell at you for something, but I forgot what it was. Looks like your boss took care of it.

I started making this list earlier today when I was doing really, really menial tasks at work. Apparently my wandering mind turns misogynistic on its own.

Monday, July 23, 2007

and now for something completely different

one of my original commitments to myself regarding this blog was that politics wouldn't be something i openly discussed or argued. today, and for the last week, i have felt differently. sometimes things happen in our lives that become motives for change.

my brother, who is active-duty army infantry, called me on my cell phone at 4:15am last week just wanting to talk. i hadn't heard from him in over two weeks so i was happy to talk to him at any hour of the day. it was fairly uneventful. we just caught up on things going on with me and things going on with him (which are infinitely more difficult to discuss casually). i hung up and was in a better mood for having spoken to him.

the next morning i had the chance to sleep in because it was my day off. i was rudely informed at about 10am that my brother had called my parents at 4am that morning with some terrible news. his best friend had been killed in action the afternoon after he talked to me. i was devastated for him. they had spent most of the last stateside redeployment (in N.Y.) together and had become really close.

this whole ordeal brings many things to mind. for the most part, the grief of losing someone you only vaguely know is not necessarily all that overwhelming. granted, Nathan Barnes was only 23 years old and had what many would call a bright future. even more disturbing, however, is that the fragility of my own brother's life became so patently clear. if his best friend can be K.I.A. in what seemed to be the randomness of war, then it stands to reason that my brother is in the same situation. it's been very painful to face the thought of losing him.

you may wonder why that thought is new to me after enduring 75% of the second OIF (operation Iraqi freedom) deployment my brother has been a part of. very simply put, it has been something that i have very efficiently ignored and refused to deal with. i am not a worrier, nor do i find it healthy to sit around and worry about something i have no power to change. this has been the staple of my rationale. now it seems that it will no longer protect me. i've been worried since the day i found out.

if you want to know more about Nathan's life or how he came to pass, here is a news link: The video within the page has an interview with Nathan's father that was at least comforting to me.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

this just in (out)

I passed the stone. More tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


yesterday was one of the most excruciatingly painful days of my life. and no, i don't mean emotional or metaphysical pain. i mean literal, gut-wrenching, ball-busting pain. it all started about an hour after i woke up (as it was my day off and i was able to sleep in). i started getting an unbearably dull ache in my side that was growing in intensity and size. i knew immediately what it was. it was a kidney stone.

when i was 15 i was afflicted with one of these little shits and it took me two weeks to pass it naturally. i think i drank most of the clean water my little city provides trying to flush it out of my system. anyway, the pain is identical and easily identifiable even 6 years later. i knew almost immediately what was going on and was also immediately ready to destroy something in a fit of rage.

i thought my dad might be able to help me through the encounter and we could circumscribe the emergency room visit, after all there's very little they can do for me. sadly, the pain became so intense that i started vomiting what seemed to be my own toenails. with the possibility of dehydration staring me in the face, we opted for the E.R. the 35 minute drive to the E.R. will prove to be the most unbelievably terrible car ride i've ever been in. this beats being thrown up on when i've been the designated driver for my friends. that shit sucked, but this shit was insane. i was writhing in pain so great that i got tunnel vision and was barely able to speak at audible levels. it felt like chuck norris had jumped into my kidney and decided to use his fists (and feet) of justice to break his way through my flank. pain scale? 10/10 for unbearably excruciating.

i still haven't passed the rock yet. every time i take a trip to the bathroom i've got my hopes up that this will be all over, but to no avail. i'm being beaten up and down by a chunk of calcium with only 5 millimeters of surface area. go figure, right?

in any case, most of the pain is probably over. hopefully. oh and welcome to my blog. not every post should be this full of pain and writhing because i'm not 16 anymore.